I Don't Fit In Your Box

What does this exactly mean? Is it a feeling, an expression, symbolism, or just plain weird.

Artwork from Theatre Gates

Glass Lantern Slide Pavilion, 2011

MY VERY OWN SECRET

When I was six years old I remember carrying this box that included my diary, a little doll, and other things that we're fun and beautiful. The outside of the box had stickers and an array of drawings that reminded me of what I wanted to become when I got older. The last time I held that box in my hand was in 1998 at the Disney World Resort in Orlando, Florida. Then I never seen my secret box again because I left it in the hotel.

I cried so hard because I wanted to go back and retrieve it. Now realizing that I carried so much weight in a box that limited me. Yes, it was my secrets that I made more personal and lively. Though it was also the spaces I wasn't ready to share. I wasn't ready to share that I wasn't normal and that I believed in a world outside of my own. Even seeing myself as a mythical being at times because of the fantasy books I read made me believe that I had power. No, I didn't think I was fairy! I just thought I was more than the words that I was fed to from my loved ones.

LIVING OUTSIDE OF THE BOX

Outside of the limits I gave myself during my childlike years, I been blessed to see the layers of who I wanted to keep a secret but now unravel at every corner. Yes, I'm a weirdo that dyed her hair purple her senior year of highschool. Just to have it fall out and have mullet for the beginning of my school year. Yes, last year I drove 32 hours cross country to a new a life that I wanted to capture and stopped by Cadillac Ranch to graffiti some cars (its an art installation). Yes, I'm moving to Africa by myself but so in love with the person I've become.

You see when you truly decide to live out of that box its scary at first because it doesn't feel comfortable.

Though when you keep making steps you realize that you're spirit has been waiting for you there.

"Go to where you're called."

-Ru